<Kap> oh you have no idea
<Kap> week zero
<Kap> might as well go to church
<Kap> hey I like the piano in this song
<Kap> why is everyone crying?
<Kap> oh god my eyes are leaking
<StormAiyo> yeah
<StormAiyo> it was fine the first time i listened to it
<StormAiyo> and after that i started bawling
<Kap> in a strange sense
<Kap> I want to commision
<Kap> so I can walk home as a captain
<Kap> minus the whole capturing part
<StormAiyo> it came up on shuffle at work one time, and i jsut broke down crying in front of the entire bellarmine robotics team
<StormAiyo> if you come home as a captain, i will but you whatever car and computer you want
<StormAiyo> and say, “i am now happy as i ever will be”
<Kap> honey
<StormAiyo> just bag me up, i might pop with pride
<Kap> you don have the money for that
<StormAiyo> i’ll find it
<Kap> cause my deam comp costs just over 12k
<Kap> no joke
<StormAiyo> like i said, bag me up, i will pop with pride
<StormAiyo> even if you come home as a master sergeant, i will still be prouder of you than anything else in the world
<Kap> I think that this point
<Kap> I’m coming home with three stripes
<Kap> because in the end, I’m not cut out to be a soldier
<Kap> much as I may be ready to pull a trigger
<Kap> I am not ready to die
<StormAiyo> good
<StormAiyo> because i don’t know waht i’d do if you did
<Kap> I have…not “unfinished business”, but you get the idea
<StormAiyo> yeah
<StormAiyo> hug
<StormAiyo> i miss you a lot

The song in question is Letters From War.  Yes our chat spelling is horrible.  Anyway.

It is a strange feeling to realize one is changing.  I don’t think a year ago I could kill another man.  Definitely not a woman nor a child.  I’m still [at present] not ready to die.  The mindset just isn’t there.  I can tell myself that I do not fear death, nor pain, but the survival instinct lingers.  Only natural, as a human emotional response to imminent danger, but terribly inconvenient sometimes.  At work we had a short discussion of whether you would want to know how you will die, or when.  I think I’d want to know, not so as to do recklessly stupid things knowing that I will not die (there are worse things than death), but to diminish or remove that fear of death.  I would not be surprised if the standard ‘fear of the unknown’ was psycologically similar or directly related to fear of death and dying.

Maybe soon I will expunge the fear of death.  I do not know what is beyond that fear, what comes after.  Is it that when we start to die?  Not physically, but inside the mind and soul?

100 years ago, a satellite detected an object under the sands of the Great Desert.

An expedition was sent.

An ancient starship, buried in the sand.

Deep inside the ruin was a single stone that would change the course of our history forever.

On the stone was etched a galactic map

and a single word more ancient than the clans themselves:

Hiigara.

Our home.

The clans were united and a massive colony ship was designed.

Construction would take 60 years.

It would demand new technologies, new industries and new sacrifices.

The greatest of these was made by the scientist Karan Sjet who had herself permanently integrated into the colony ship as its living core.

She is now Fleet Command.

The promise of the Guidestone united the entire population.

Every mind became focused on the true origin of our people …

… every effort on the construction of the ship that would seek it out among the stars.

It’s been ten years since Karan led us from our desert planet to Hiigara. Ten years of that journey, sweet and bittersweet. The pilots that flew for their people, our people, above the darkened skies of Kharak ablaze, though deep space of the Great Wastelands and Diamond Shoals, through the bloody Garden of Kadesh, through the emptiness of the Sea of Lost Souls and Karos Graveyard.  To Chapel Perilous, and the final steps above the blue and green fertile planet that is our home.

Ten years, and it’s time to return to that journey, to relive the path across a galaxy traced by an exiled people on their way home.

Home, to Hiigara.

So, WordPress.  I have neglected you and it causes a little some great pain in my soul.  I’m sorry.

In other news, racquetball is hard and should not be a sport because I said so.

Don’t burn the place down while I’m gone.

Covered by Kina Grannis

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
‘Til it was a battle cry
I’ll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything’s changing
Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

Now we’re back to the beginning
It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can’t feel it too
Doesn’t mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
‘Til they’re before your eyes
You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

I CAST FLARE

It’s funny, people ask me if I’m excited…I tell them I was, at least in August.  Now, now I wish it were August again.  I’m a little afraid…yes, I think I can safely call it fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of the person leaving soon changing, and never really coming back.  New and interesting things for sure, nothing I’ve ever done before.  What will the next four years hold for me?

Leaving is indeed the hardest part.  It took a while to find myself, and I’m not 100% positive I really have…still searching I guess.  I’ll probably know when it happens, if I ever do.

Recently I’ve been sounding old, which I guess is accurate.  I’ve done a fair bit of growing up over the past months…lots of time to think.  Too much, possibly?

Too much, probably.  Time will tell.

Time.

Yeah, about that.

Probably the least of my worries, although when it hits full force, it’s remarkably hard to ignore.

Gluttony – Gula

Chocolate.  I’m hosed.

Greed – Avaritia

This one’s tough.  Money is quite useful.  Really, really useful.

Sloth – Acedia

So I woke up at 9:13 today…

Wrath – Ira

Anger isn’t really the problem.  It’s the damage it causes.

Envy – Invidia

The Latin sounds altogether too similar to nVidia.  Well played, good sirs.

Pride – Iuperbia

Oh yeah.  Pride.   About that.